The Hardest Love of them all.

Everyday I have to continue to tell myself or remind myself to love me. Its a constant reminder, diary entry, note to self that today, today I need to love myself. I realized how easy it is for me to show other people love and make them feel appreciated. But when it comes to me, the very being that I spend most time with, the most time- this very being who has seen me through it all, when it comes to loving it-her, I just don’t know how to. I treat my self like the un-wanted step child. I am never 100% happy with my self, nor do I congratulate my self on any of my accomplishments-there’s always a “but”. But yeah Jen was able to do it in 4 yrs, but Taj has managed to be in the same relationship for 3 yrs, but Devon has a full-time job and he’s 2 years younger then you. I know I don’t hate myself, I just have a hard time loving myself. And in failing to love my self, I can honestly say I have failed to notice and recognize love when it is shown or given to me. My failed attempt to love myself, has left me on a search for love in other places and other people. I always think I will love myself more, once I find love. Once I find that special individual to spend eternity with, then-then will I begin to fully love myself. I have legit put my value and worth in the hands of another human being, who in that same moment may be struggling themselves to love who they are. Its a constant battle, a constant war, but I will not wave that white-flag-no ma’m, no-sir”. I do want to love me. I want to appreciate me. I want to see the potential and beauty that I see in others, in me. I need to start treating this being like the beautiful ¬†delicate flower she is.

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