It’s just Sex.

Our culture has become, or has always been so consumed by SEX, and it’s like WHY.

For an act that is so normal, and is honestly part of life, as a society we have made it in to something that is anxiety provoking, nerve wracking, guilt ridden, perverted, dangerous and honestly just awkward.

I was a virgin throughout my entire high-school experience. The most action I was getting at that point, that I remember, was some nipple nibbling  (thank you pimpled riddled face boy in my apartment building) and some neck kisses- but that was it. In high-school while I was not having sex, sex was still heavy on my mind. How would sex feel? How should it feel? Mmmm Orgasms? What are Orgasms?

Point being, in high-school at age 15, I had anxiety over sex. Something I’ve never done or experienced. As I began writing this post, I decided to research “Over-Sexualized Society”. The first article to come up is a post from HuffingtonPost called ” Sexualized Culture Is Creating Mental Health Issues in Our Youth“, which focuses on how as a society we have put so much pressure on the act of sex that our teenage girls are losing their fucking minds (funny, the fucking part). However, Our teenage girls are developing mental disorders over the pressures of having sex, or being desired sexually. We, as a society, have created a culture where it is normal for 13 year old girls to feel inadequate because they are not sexy enough.

“In 2008, the American Psychological Association released a report called The Sexualization of Girls. They made a case that the onslaught of sexualized images in media and pop culture has created a mental health crisis, evidenced by the increased levels of depression, low self-esteem and eating disorders in young girls.”

I remember actually being sad at age of 17, over not being sexy , or having nosexual appeal. What the fuck is sexual appeal at 17. At 17 years old, I was already building my self worth based off of “My Sexual Appeal“. I can think of the multiple conversations with self, where I remember saying to myself  “I’m just going to be cute forever, I’ll never be sexy”.  I can also remember not really understanding what it meant to be sexy.

Was my definition of Sexy based of the video vixens that were in the music videos on 106 and Park, or was sexy Yolanda that lived upstairs who always had different men attention and different men at her door, she was desired- but Yolanda never had the same man at her door more than 2 nights in the row.

Back then, Yolanda was my definition of sexy. Because I lived in a society that kept telling me, at the tender age of 17, “To be Sexy, is to be Desired“. 

Our society has developed this obsession with SEX. SEX SEX SEX SEX. That’s all we think about, all we talk about, all we see.

In college,  I entered as a virgin. You would have though I entered as a leper. Being a virgin in college is no fun. You are the target of every virgin joke. Individuals who are the same age as you begin treating you like some lost child. Individuals, who not but 3 months earlier were begging their parents for rides to the mall and theater, have dubbed you the lost child of the group; because they lost their virginity at prom and you brought yours upstate.  A lost child that needs their coddling, needs their “great” words of advice, needs their crash course, SEX 101. Lets keep in mind that your typical entering freshman is usually between the ages of 17-19. So, you are being chastised by peers who feel superior to you- because while you were sneaking to read “How to pop that pussy for a real nigga” on the train ride to school. These girls were actually Popping that pussy for a “real” niggas at school . 

There was so much pressure in college, over having sex or not having sex, that I decided- FUCK IT.  I’m just going lie. Second semester of college, guessed who entered “unvirgined”. I created a lie, over something so silly, but made into such a huge deal by everyone else around me. In hindsight, looking back,  and really reflecting. I realized that back then, sex wasn’t really important to me, not as much as it was to those around me, in my ear. I realized I was receiving and taking advice from young teenagers (basically) who had no idea what sex was, just what they thought it was.

I was very interested in the act of sex. I was not as worried with that act of actually having sex. I eventually lost my virginity after my second year of college. And it was just so unfulfilling, and disappointing. I remember laying there, as this young skinny-no dick having sir, poked inside of me. And I can legit remember sitting there, staring at the ceiling like “This, this is sex.” But my disappoint didn’t waive me away from the need to be “Sexually cool”. See. While sex was still not something I found as desirable or important. It was still important to society, the other young women I hung around, the boys I desired, the boys I wanted to desire me.

Second year Kat, saw sex as something she had  to do. It was expected of her, she was suppose to be having sex and suppose to be enjoying it. So that’s how the remainder of my college experience went. Meaningless sexual encounters that to this day, meant absolutely nothing to me. There were nights where I built up so much anxiety about going out, because I needed to catch up. I had to catch up. Catch up on my “body count”- please hold, while I take a look in the mirror, and thank good GOD for my growth. Cause she could have been hoeing here today, instead of bringing you here this post. I mean, but Hey! If hoeing is your passion, hoe on!

Guys! I’m telling you! There were nights I went out to the bars, house parties, someone’s dorm room with the goal being “CATCH A BODY”. It sounds stupid, because it was stupid. But at that time, that game-plan was the right plan. All the girls I hung out with, have been having sex since they caught site of those little red droppings on their pantilones*exaggerating*. Definitely since high school. Their body counts were already at 5, compared to my sad 1-2 dickings……Guys we were 19 years old…..

Kat today.

Still thinks sex is over-glorified, and not that fucking serious. I do think that sex can be fun and liberating…when done for the right reasons and with the right person. I think you can find yourself in sex, but definitely can loose yourself (especially when the dick is good =)).

Sex is a sport, Sex is a joke, Sex is him and me laughing naked in bed.

Sex is not anxiety, Sex is not something you HAVE to do. Sex should not kill your confidence, or make you feel less. Sex is not pressure. Sex-Sexiness should not only be left to society and the various media outlets that think only the KKK sisters can be sexy.

Sorry, but sex is or can be Awkward.

Dangerous if you like 😉

Sex is Sex.


 LINK TO HUFFINGTONPOST: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/darryl-roberts/sexualized-culture-is-creating-mental-health-issues-in-our-youth_b_5994148.html

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Growing and learning with every new sunrise and sunset. This blog is me finally taking control, because well "Nobody puts Baby in the corner"...nobody. No, but seriously just creating a space where I can share, vent and maybe brighten up a few people's day :).

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