Faking the Funk

I think I’ve been sad now for the last 6-7 years, but I’ve been able to successfully hide it for 4-5 years, not so successful the last 1-2 years.

I’m just tired.

I’m tired of faking happy.

Faking the Funk.

While these last few years have been filled with growth. They’ve also been filled with moments of frustrating sadness.

They always say the transitioning stage, or is it your spiritual awakening, always puts you in an uncomfortable space…I guess to force you to change..idk, I’ve just been sad.

Maybe it’s depression…It’s probably depression.

Each day is a constant battle. And some days I don’t feel like fighting.

I’m tired.

I’m constantly having self-pep talks, constantly rationalizing shit, constantly saying I won’t do something and end up still doing it.

I’m tired of being mentally weak, because I hold on to things or people that don’t deserve me.

Family, Friends, Men.

I’m tired……..

I want to be a little less selfless and more selfish

A little Less available

A little Less forgiving

A little Less open

A little Less naive

A little Less idealistic

I want to be a little More “I said no” and a little Less “I guess so”

A little More Assertive

A little More Confident

A little More Patient

A little More In the now

A little More about Me.

This Transitional stage or Spiritual Awakening has done ya girl in…and while she is tired…she’s not about to give up now!

This too shall pass.

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