To me, at least right now.
The saddest part about any relationship ending, is when you sit back and look at the relationship.
When you realize how much time you have wasted, and you can’t get it back.
Then that sadness turns into anger,
You’re angry with yourself, with the person who you wasted time on.
You’re angry, Angry because you knew. Angry because you ignored the signs. Angry you couldn’t let go, when you knew it was already the end.
Angry that you entertained the situation, 6 months after the initial “ending”.
Angry because you were too weak,
Too weak to realize what you have gotten your self into. Too weak to look him in the eyes and call him out on his Bullshit. Too weak, to say what you mean and mean what you say.
Angry because regardless of how shitty the situation got, or how everything in you told you to just say “FUCK YOU”, you still stayed, still waited, still called him you Best Friend.
But what’s the point of staying or being angry….
You wasted so much of my time, you wore such a mask, you played me, and you won.
I’m not bitter. Just a little.
I know I’m not over it, but I’m getting over it.
I still get sad, because although nothing in me wants you. I still want to be wanted by you.
I still want the control.
It’s silly, but I guess that’s part of my ego.
I think, beyond the anger, I’m disappointed.
Definitely with you.
But, mostly with myself.
But lesson learned.
Me before Anybody.