Change always starts off like a terrible horror movie, where every corner you turn there’s a serial killer waiting there for you with a machete and a butcher knife; because change can be one scary thing, so maybe replace the butcher knife with a chainsaw.
So, when the process of change begins, you may want to run, run in every direction, as far away from this monster named “Change”.
But why do you do it?
Why are you so afraid?
What are you so afraid of?
Welp duh-yee, *Weird witch in the forest voice* ” You’re afraid of the unknown Janet.”……..
And you know what that just does, it keeps you stuck. Stuck in everything you want to get out of. Everything that’s making you so afraid of life.
Stuck in the “Ughs”
Stuck in the constant cycle of playing victim, and being a victim.
Do you know what happens when you feel stuck?
Like there is absolutely no way of getting out.
When you feel as if you have ran out of options, and your current “just right now” situation is a “forever” situation?
You become angry.
You become insecure.
You become fearful.
And how do angry, insecure people act? Miserable.
You walk around with a chip on your shoulder, and like the world has personally chosen You, you as its’ poop bucket, not toilet, because a toilet flushes. A poop bucket, just sits there, with poop and all. The smell starting off as a light “ew” smell, then gradually that swift scent of “ew” becomes an overwhelming stench. You’ll start to feel like its all around you. In the air, on your clothes, in your hair, in your mouth, entering the insides of your nostrils to the back of your throat, resting inside of your mouth.
Because Honestly, isn’t that how the process of being stuck goes. Something that starts off so minor, like a faint scent in the air, turns into something unbearable, an overwhelming nauseating scent.First you find your-self in a problem—You have to poop and you have no where to go poop, but in a poop bucket.
- Then, you start to feel like you have no solutions, there’s a but to every possible possibility, and well you’ve thought of the changes you could make “but“ that would mean making actual changes, and there’s too much happening right now for you to focus on making changes in your life, you have to focus on this current (single) problem.— You’ve pooped in the poop bucket, but there is no toilet paper, no baby wipes, no washcloth, or towel sitting around. But, but there is an clean unused brown paper bag, but you’ve never used a brown paper bag as a butthole cleaner, like “what would that even feel like” “what if it cuts you”, “gives you a small tear in the lining of your anal canal.” Instead, You choose to just sit with poop in your anal canal, so you can focus on figuring something else out.
- Overtime, that initial, temporary, feeling of being stuck, or having no solutions starts to feel not so temporary. Your temporary problem, starts to feel permanent. You’ve tried every thing, or at least everything you’ve thought you could think of trying, or could sit still for 10 minutes to try and think of doing. You’ve tried…you’ve really fucking tried Janet (at least that’s what you tell yourself). You begin to panic. Still ignoring the other alternative, making some changes, so that you can change your current situation. Ignoring the possibility of even making small subtle changes, subtle changes that while they may not be the end all to the problem, could bring enough (even if its a tiny bit) relief, just so your head can be cleared. Cleared enough for you to squeeze in one more possible solution to deal with your problem. You look around, at the people around you, and you begin to get a little resentful. You begin to question “Why is it that things always go right for others and not you?” “Why can’t things go your way” ughh “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia” —Janet. You have been sitting with poop in your anal canal now for almost an hour, at least 45 minutes. It’s beginning to dry, but not comfortably. There’s an intense itch starting, and you’re beginning to smell really bad. You’ve been to focus on not having the proper tools to clean out the “kaka” in your butthole, you’ve forgotten all about the clean unused brown paper bag, because well to you that’s not even an option.
The poop bucket, still filled with poop, is only adding to your already dreadful situation. Too angry and upset to think, to at least cover the poop bucket with its cover. The cover that you threw underneath the table, when you found out you would be pooping in a poop bucket. That odor is extending out into the air, and you’re beginning to feel sick, throw up sick. And you’re beginning to get angry, because you can’t understand why someone would leave you in a room with a poop bucket and no tools to properly clean up. You would never do that.The last phase. Anger. Now you’re mad. This is ridiculous. You’re fed up and completely over the situation. You’ve racked you’re brain trying to come up with solutions to you’re problem. It’s obviously not going to change, or so you think. You’ve been stuck in the same problem now for months, you could always make some changes but that not what you want to do. You don’t want to make changes, you just want to get rid of this problem. Because it is this problem alone that is causing all your other problems now, causing the derailing of your life. Yet you’ve failed to look at the fact you, you alone are causing this frustration and misery. Your stubbornness and fear of change has made you stuck. And feeling stuck is no fun, makes you into a loco person overtime. You walk around angry, blaming everyone and everything but yourself, the true culprit. Not realizing that everyone has problems, they’re just choosing to deal with them, and you’re “play” dealing with your problems. Your anger goes through a cycle. A vicious cycle. Starts off as anger, then that anger makes you insecure and your insecurities leave you in a state of doubt, of fear. Insecurities leading to jealousy and making bad decisions, or having a lack of good judgment. Fear controlling your every thought and moves; fear after all is one of man’s biggest enemy. The fear is causing you to become bitter and resentful. Once you’ve gone through the initial phases of anger, You’re left with misery, your just a miserable person. You have subconsciously chosen to be personal enemies with the world—The poop in your anal canal has completely dried, that intense itch is now unbearable and you’re ready to dive fingers in, at this point you’re so angry that someone else could forgotten to leave you toilet paper to wipe your own butthole, they knew there would not be a toilet in the room, but didn’t leave any toilet paper????
When you sit and blame others and everything else for your inconvenience or problems and you fail to realize your own faults. You fail to see the ready solutions all around you. You fail to take a look at the decisions that you have made that has led you to your current problem, which can help you get out of your problem; as well as save you from getting into that same problem down the road. You fail to realize your own innate ability to play victim.
So Janet, what is my message to you. Stop being afraid of change. Take that leap.
Sometimes the problem isn’t the actual problem. Sometimes we’re the problem. Our fears keep us stuck, stuck in problems we could have easily gotten out off, had we not allow fear to control us.
And remember while change can be scary, it can also be very exciting.
You’ll never know until you try.
Until you decide and take that leap of fate.
Don’t stay with dry poop in your anal canal.
Try the clean unused brown paper bag, you never know.
Relax and let go of the anger you have burning in your heart at the person who forgot to leave you toilet paper.
You should have packed wipes, if you knew you had an history of taking poops in public spaces.
Cover the bucket. Make small changes that will clear your mind a little, so you can focus on the big changes you may have to make or can make.
Last piece of advice Janet. Stop blaming others for your shortcomings. It’s a bad habit, and gets you no-where.WE HAVE TO REMEMBER NOT TO FOCUS ON OTHER PEOPLE ALONG OUR JOURNEY THE MOMENT YOU TAKE YOUR EYES OFF OF YOUR STEERING WHEEL TO SEE HOW FAR AHEAD OR BEHIND THE OTHER DRIVER IS, IS THE MINUTE YOU CRASH, BECAUSE YOU’VE LOST SIGHT OF THE ROAD
YEAHH PROBABLY AN OVER USED ANALOGY BUT ITS FUCKING TRUE.