It’s that time of the year again. The time to make new resolutions, set new goals, and to make promises to leave old habits behind. It is also that time of the year where we all reflect, and look back at the year we’ve had. Almost like a year in review, for self.
This time last year, 2017. I was sitting in an overly crowded Starbucks, with a new set of colorful ball point pens and a brand new journal that resembled something Indiana Jones would own. Writing out my reflection for each month, each month getting its’ own special color; the prettier colors reserved for the months that brought me prettier things.
February-Gray- Shitty little month.
June- Purple- Yayy Summer/ Still was in a shitty situation-ship.
Spent about two hours in that Starbucks, just thinking and reflecting.
Making promises for the upcoming year. Some of those promises I kept, some were harder to keep, some will have to be promises of 2019.
2018 brought a lot of growth, more growth than I thought it would bring. Growth that was needed and necessary.
This year, I’m at work, sitting in my office, watching yesterdays’ episode of RHOA.
Last night, I got into sort of a funk because I felt that I should be more prepared to embark on this “New Year” journey. Like I should be sitting in a Starbucks reflecting, again. Or, I should be making a vision board. Or, I should be chanting to Gods hidden in the dark blue sky. I felt like, I should be doing something. Some kind of offering to 2019, to show it that I was ready. That I was welcoming it with open arms, in the form of a journal entry or by burning some sage.
This morning, I woke up content.
Content with it being the last day of 2018, and the start of 2019.
Not filled with anxiety and worry. Just Content, Optimistic and Ready!
Every year around this time, since I was kid, New Year Eve/ New Years has always been an anxiety provoking thing for me.
Whether it was rushing to get all the comforters and sheets in the apartment washed at the laundromat on NYE, or making sure everyone was freshly cleaned and showered so we could have our traditional seance before midnight.
Regardless, in the past, the start of the New Year has never been a smooth process/ transition for me.
As I’ve gotten older, the stressed moved from cleaning and seances to making sure I had written down my hopes and dreams PERFECTLY for the upcoming year, or else…. well, or else they wouldn’t come true. duh.
This year, I was itching to do another reflection of this ending year. Get a whole new set of colorful pens, another Indiana Jones’ style journal. Find another Starbucks, or random coffee shop, and write away my traumas and growths of 2018.
Instead, I’m choosing to just Be. To just “Be Present” on the last day of the year. The last day of 2018.
Today, I’ll plan on just taking in the day.
Not dwelling on the past through some heavy reflection, or on the ‘could have’ or ‘should have been’ of 2018.
Today I just give Thanks. Because overall I am grateful for 2018, and the person it has made me. 2018 has shown me truths and realities that I have had previous issues recognizing, or accepting.
In 2018, I ended a lot friendships. Friendships I once considered life-long friendships. And, I think that is one of the hardest points of my 2018. A bitter-sweet point of 2018. Through the lost of my friendships, came growth. Growth I would not exchange to have those friendships back. So peace out hoes!
SO. Since this is not a reflection. Almost turned out to be. But its not. I want to leave off saying “Thank You”.
Thank you 2018. Hello 2019!