Yesterday I made plans to meet up with an old co-worker for an early dinner, nothing too heavy.
We’ve actually been planning for weeks to meet up, and each time something has “come up”, but this time there were no opportunities to flop.
No oooops I forgot.
It was a clear sunny day
I got paid on Friday.
It’s not that I didn’t want to hang out with this specific person or anything like that, I actually missed her quiet a bit.So I had to ask my self…
“Why do I get like this?”
It’s not just when it comes to going out with her, it’s when it comes to going out period. Not like stepping outside, going out. Just whenever I actually have to make the effort. Actually put on an outfit and do more than just my eyebrows, or if I’m meeting up with other people.
I always put myself under crazy stress and pressure. To the point, sometimes I decide to just not go. I’ll convince myself that I should stay home. Find any “sign” from the universe that I should stay in my safe comfort zone, in my bed.
But, I am tired of living like that.
My anxiety, because that is exactly what it is. Has made me into a hobbit. Yes I may love and cherish my alone time, and I am a home body. But underneath all of that, my true being, I am a social-butterfly (maybe not really, but).
I hate getting that way, and I refuse to let my anxiety dictate my life…no ma’m, you red-headed devil.
Soooo, I am going to check myself, and push my self. I will not be going through the same waves and motion, every damn time I need to go somewhere at 50 yrs.
Unless an overwhelming gut feelings comes over me, telling me not to go out. Unless that! My personal motto from now on is…”Just Go”
I’m just going to go….
Not think too much about going.