Your Grandmother had a rough childhood. Her mother drank a lot and didn’t know love or how to be a mother. She lost her own mother before the age of 3. From a young age, your Grandmother had to learn to protect herself. From the men your Great Grandmother would forget to kick out, after a long night of drinking. Men your Grandmother would hear, making their way to the corner she claimed as her room. She did not have a close relationship with her mother, which developed into a resentment towards all women. Your Grandmother’s resentment towards women, did not help her in motherhood. She did not know how to love. She could not love your Mother, the way she needed to be loved and…
Your Mother just wanted to be loved. Loved by anyone, because her mother, your Grandmother did not know how to love. Your Grandfather, her Father, was no where around to give her that love. So your Mother spent her life searching for a love, a love she could feel. Searched for that love in the arms of men who never truly loved her, or maybe just did not know how to love; like your Grandmother. Her search yield unqualified candidates, your Father was one. Your Mother found love, or the closet thing to love she thought she would find. Your Father was not love, and did not know love.
You grew up in a household where yelling and fighting were the norm. You grew up thinking that that was love. Your Mother called it love. You believed her, so without knowing, you went searching for that love. Even when that love hurt, left bruises and caused you pain. You didn’t know any better. It was love. It was familiar. You tell yourself that all relationships are different.
Then, You become a mother. For the first time, You realize what love really is. You see it in your Daughter’s eyes. An emptiness you’ve felt for so long, finally feels filled. You’ve found love. From that day forward, you give love a new definition. A definition you will teach your Daughter, and your Granddaughters to come.
You will teach your Mother this new definition of love too. Hoping she will forget the definition she previously knew. You forgive your Mother, because you begin to understand your Mother.
Your Mother is old, and old ways die hard. But you don’t give up. You show your Mother the new way to love and be loved. She has a hard time accepting it, but she gives in. Your Daughter helps. She exemplifies this new definition of love for your Mother. Your Mother begins to heal, and begins to forgive. She forgives her own mother, your Grandmother, and she finally forgives herself.